cakap biar beragak

Dude, cakap tu pandang-pandang lah. Kecil hati orang yang dengar.




doa orang yang dizalimi, dianayai, diejek, diperkecil-kecilkan, diperlekeh, dihina ni makbul, walaupun si tukang doa tu orang bukan Islam.






peringatan untuk diri sendiri -
cakap pakai otak. dari kumpul dosa, baik senyap.

How should cream puff taste?

betul.

semua orang ada pendapat sendiri.entitled to their own idea and voice.

tapi kadang-kadang rasional tak dapat mematahkan rasa keliru. maka, terbentuklah manusia yang tak kisahkan dunia dan buat hal sendiri.

seperti mengidam makanan lagi-lagi yang manis dan yang mampu melelehkan air liur. mheh.

Nampak?

Hihih perasan tak cream puff disiarkan dua kali? 

Maksudnya, keinginan lebih sikit. 

Dan syukur, jumpa pulak benda alah ni dekat sekolah adik - ada hari keusahawanan ala-ala open day la kan, jual macam-macam, rambang mata ai!

Aku tak jumpa memori makan cream puff sebelum ni dalam almari ingatan kat otak ni, tapi rasanya cream puff patutnya rasa jauh LAGIIII SEDAP. 

Hampa sikit, tapi tak apa. Pencarian masih boleh diteruskan. 

So, cream puff hunt begins! 

sungguh tak ada kerja.

Ke ada orang nak buatkan? Mheheheheheh

Just A Question, Not Provocation

A question is not meant to provoke.


A playwright was invited to my college for a talk, well, we study his play. His speech was great that it opened our eyes about things, and that they are not what they always seem. It could be a lie, made up, manipulated, biased or just one-sided.
and that gave him a clear path to go on about politics and of course, Bersih is included.

i found truth on what he said. but then, his points were also biased(see, this is how i look at things now, with doubt).
because i sensed pin-pointing.


since he is quite renowned, my lecturer made sure that we had questions to ask him. and so, questions (regarding his play) were written on paper and later, being cut to small pieces, distributed to random students.

and I was being extra lucky to get a strip.
i quite like the question i got and i was pretty sure that i want to know the answer from Kee Thuan Chye himself.
and so i asked.

unlucky me, he misunderstood my question.
maybe it was my word, my facial expression (which i bet would be the least provoking) or the hot topic he was having on his mind at that moment, it could be just his ideology.

so he responded, intensely - thinking that i was accusing him of favouring the Western.
but i was not.
i didn't now which part of my question that i slipped up, it left me puzzled for a few moments until i realized he misunderstood me.

because i was in the state of gathering the puzzles, i could only digest the second half of his reply.
it was only when he asked to the audience, ' Was I being too harsh on her?' i realized that he misunderstood me badly,
i felt like going directly to him to explain my question in super fine details.

but i didn't think that was a good idea.
the audience replied him in chorus, 'YES' and i was sure the rest of the people in that library understood what i wanted to know, what i actually meant.

and funny how awkward the atmosphere was after he answered my question.
even he acknowledged it, saying that no one would ask question anymore, jokingly.


and i find it amusing that some people were worried that i might be frightened, or even crying - when i was so puzzled even my emotions were confused.

anyway, thanks for the comfort and encouragement.






come to think of it,
a question i asked was never meant to provoke, but the response i got was more than enough as an answer.

kepayahan bila ada bodyguard

kan best kalau ada bodyguard yang jaga kita ke hulu ke hilir, macam dalam movie tu, kalau ada orang nak buat jahat je, terus bodyguard belasah sampai lembik tulang orang jahat tu. haha.

tapi hakikatnya?

hakikatnya, itu semua tidak lah best macam yang kita (err..ye la tak semua) angan-angankan. 

yes. betul! sebab privasi. wah. I mean, privacy. 

baru jalan selangkah, ada orang ikut. belok kiri, bodyguard pun belok kiri. belum belok kanan, kaki bodyguard dah ready nak belok baik punya. 

walaupun bodyguard tu niat dia baik, dan ada usaha nak jarakkan diri daripada kita dengan berjalan lambat dalam dua langkah setengah, 

perasaan diawasi tu sangat dirasai! 

bila rasa macam tu, mestilah 'Oh ok, aku kena jalan elok-elok', 'Oh ok, aku tak sentuh benda ni, aku tengok dari jauh je', 'Oh ok, aku takkan pijak carpet ni ganas-ganas', dan lebih banyak lagi 'Oh ok,...'.

jadi, kita tak dapatlah nak buat apa yang kita nak. and by this, I don't mean doing bad things. Cuma perkara-perkara biasa, tapi kita malu nak buat kalau ada orang perhati, lagi-lagi dengan muka yang tertera 'Haippp jangan buat benda bukan-bukan!'

sudahlah ada bodyguard, ada pulak assistant suruh buat itu, pegi sana, pegi sini. 

Hai apalah nasib badan hidup ada bodyguard. Rimas kan?

Eh kejap,

kau ada bodyguard? Seriously?!

Sebab kitorang (aku, adik dengan mama) pergi rumah PM. nampak tak kepentingan ada bodyguard tu? haa.

kira macam VIP la.

polis sebagai bodyguard ada dua, guide dia pun dua orang. so keseluruhannya, kitorang diiring oleh empat orang sepanjang berada kat situ. 

Kehkeh. Apa kes marhaen yang tak ada kepentingan ni ada bodyguard apa semua ?! 

dah nama pun rumah PM, mestilah kawalan ketat hahah. 

ceritanya, mama bercadang nak jenguk rumah PM sebab kali terakhir pergi masa aku sekolah rendah. sekali buka hari ni, so apalagi. 

tapi dah tak ada pelawat lain, maka kitorang bertiga saja. 

selalunya hujung minggu, tak ada guide tapi entah mungkin rezeki and mungkin sebab kitorang ada banyak sangat soalan (especially my mom), jadi ada guide lah pulak. 

pak cik polis sorang tu ikut je kitorang macam bayang-bayang. huuuu bayangkan, walaupun aku tengok je (serius, tangan aku elok je kat belakang) frame gambar yang ada permata-permata tu, rasa macam aku dah terjatuhkan frame sampai jadi serpihan pulak bila polis tu mengekor. 

peh.

itulah. orang besar-besar tu dah tak rasa apa dah bodyguard sekeliling. aku pulak, rasa macam nak cakap 'Shuh, shuh, pegi main jauh-jauh boleh? Aku tak nakal-nakal, janji.'

kitorang ambik gambar pun, polis tu tenung macam nak pecah skrin kamera tu (walaupun dia curi-curi tengok, tapi kantoi busuklah dengan aku hahah). untuk pastikan kitorang tak ambik gambar tempat yang dia tak kasi, iaitu rumah PM, yang memang dia duduk kadang-kadang.

er gambar tu nanti-nanti aku post. tak menyempat nak cucuk usb. tata!

update!

gambar kiri dengan kanan tak boleh ambik, rumah PM tu secreto

movies will never win - The Hunger Games

hunger games.






I think it's precisely adapted. I like it.
and because my heart couldn't pace properly even after the credit rolls. 




But, definitely the books are better. Movies will never win against books. 




One of the many reasons, because in the book, Peeta is more than just a boy who likes Katniss.










may the odds be ever in your favour? No.






May the bread be ever in your favour! Hehs.

a very apt song indeed XD

two days of pure pain

assalamualaikum peeps




i hardly skip meals, not even breakfast. i make sure i fill my tummy on time, even when i am moody, even when work is overloading,even when exams are coming.


until this one fine day, i've to remove my second molar tooth. 
i had been warned by the dentist of the severe pain i'd have that i'd have to endure. the word severe repeated itself in my mind and when the mc is for 3 days, i couldn't imagine the pain awaiting me. 


the process was not long. not even painful. just that it was quite rough. 
and the journey into the realm of discomfort began (because i had experience teeth removal before and i couldn't control the drooling) when the anaesthetic is wearing off. pain is awaiting me.  


and i have not been sleeping properly for the last ten nights, if the count is right -doing the usual, assignments. my body is aching all over macam orang tua, and my eyes are more tired than ever.
so coming home after the hospital trip, i slept for hours on the couch in the second living room, because i was too sleepy and tired. and because i was afraid of the pain seeping through my glands


i still have cotton in my mouth, the bleeding hasn't stop. and i've already messed up the cover of the couch with the blood. 
it is very uncomfortable, it is not so much pain. but it hurts. when i press my forehead during sujud, when i try gulping water, when i walk, when i try to talk but make noise instead and when i move my jaw to swallow food - the jaw, gum or the missing tooth throbs silently as if cradling me into the sensation. 


and the pain is magnified by the fact that i have to submit my assignment on the very next day. before i went to the hospital, i was positive i could make it. i can punyalah. but i couldn't. 


well i tried finishing it before my meet-up with the dentist, but only the rough stuff. 
and writing essay, academic essay to boot, is never taking a short time. so i stayed up to write but dozed off,  woke up again in another hour just to get back into sleep. i guess might be because of my lack of sleep the nights before *sigh


and all the ache in your body is swelling up when first it was only your gum. argh!
rasa macam nak demam, all warm and sweaty and dizzy, ache in the back and all. 

i never think i'd be in this situation - thirsty but you can only drink a little, hungry but you can only eat a spoonful, dizzy but you can only lie awake with time ticking so fast when i need more time to finish up assignment. i want to do the best but can only give crap. ya Allah make me stronger. 

the next day, i didn't eat because eating will take so much time and i could just eat spoonfuls and i have pages, long pages of essay, yet to be done. 


sometimes, your brain just don't function like how it used to, at times we need the most. and how i think again, we always take things for granted. sometimes, i forgot this brain is not mine. 




good thing, my brother was in and he drove me to my college at the very end hour of submission date. at 4.30 pm on friday! i almost gave up right before i went printing. 
my cheek was a thing and wearing tudung in rush made me all teary, the painnn. but alhamdulillah, when i reached there, my friends were waiting to collect all the assignments before handing them in. they even helped me to staple and bind it, you know the things you don't care when you're doing stuff super last minutes. 


but heck, it was embarrassing! i had the whole class (well, almost) see my special appearance with the swollen cheek. and with super untidy tudung, panda eyes, chapped lips, oily and stressed face (i'm affected by the chapped lips, because this is rare for me, hardly happen). wuargh this is so embarrassing!  




i quickly flee right after handing in my assignment, no more people seeing me, noooo. but i still regret the fact that i did my assignment horribly, i couldn't even dare to think of the result tsk tsk.
on the way back, i couldn't deny my hunger any longer and so, to the drive-thru! lucky there's porridge sold outside. 

at last,
after two days of pure pain and discomfort, i got to eat - a blessing. 


though it was nothing compared to others who has suffer more in this world, this would be...








two days i would never forget. 

more rants

ASSIGNMENTZZZZZ

die.