thumb is not important? not so fast

so, an interclass soccer tournament turned out to be held at my college, but only for my batch. not anything big or fancy.

although i never play soccer, i kick grass, not ball, and i rarely watch soccer match on tv, i felt like joining. so i get on my persuasive side and got all my friends join along. muahahahaha.

since the competition was nothing big, many of us joined, for fun. i remembered this one line from tumblr,


and i didn't hesitate.

since we were all beginners (and poised and elegant and gentle *cough cough), we asked some guy friends to do some 'coaching' session. 
they taught us how to kick, dribble, defend the ball and other few tricks and some strategies, including dirty ones hehe. 
my friends and i played without these guys to coach us the day before, and it was different to have them with us, we gained a lot! 

yelah, noobs couldn't learn all by themselves. they'd need the gurus. 

and so this one fine afternoon, 
we went for another practice. not that we were dreaming to be crowned as champion, it just feels good to come down to the field and play (which is a very rare thing to do, since college's field would need us to walk 20 minutes from my current house). 

this time, my captain, Michelle decided to practice on the goal post at the other end of the field. 
she'd insisted, so that she could practice there, because we'd be playing there for the real tournament.  

there was this one group of primary school boys. and they were already playing at that time. 
asking them to give us some space would be hard and mean, too. plus, they were playing and (maybe) acting like they didn't see us there. 
so my guy friend asked if we, the girls, could play along.

well, of course, we warned them that we didn't know how to play. or else, we'll die by all the kicking and running.
so we played and played. 

the girls were trying to catch up with the little boys. and trying hard to apply whatever our 'coaches' told us to hahaha. come to think of it, i didn't realized we were that determined to play. 

until this one moment, 
we have been playing for more than half an hour. maybe the game was too slow for the boys. this one chubby boy came out of nowhere. the ball was passed over to him and i was marking the boy he was about to give the ball to. 
i thought i can snatch the ball from him, given my position.

but i didn't see this one thing coming.
the boy kicked the ball so hard, the ball was spinning very fast and it flew right towards me. 
my hands were about to push the ball away, a reflex to save yourself from danger. but the ball was faster and harder. much harder.

and it hit me.
it literally banged on me, right on my stomach. with my left hand on my stomach, unable to respond quicker to brain's order to shove the ball away.

that boy's kick was so hard. the ball hit me, and i was stunned by its impact. it was so shocking, my tears automatically drained. 
the game halted for a minute or two. i promptly went out of the field.

my stomach hurts. 
and my left thumb was numb, and then it couldn't stop throbbing. 

i think i cried, but i forced myself not to. not in front of these kids. silly, i could just cry my heart out. why should i care?

the boys asked if everything is going fine. and i put up my left thumb with my back facing them. a sign, that i'm fine and they should continue playing. i took some time to calm down from the shock. didn't expect that. 

and i just looked at them playing, i sat at the side of the field. 
my stomach was aching, and my thumb remained the same. 

and that night, 
my stomach stopped aching. but my thumb was swollen and there was like a blue dark ring on the thumb knuckle. 
i think it's bad. 
and all my friends cringed at the look of it, saying it's bad, too. but then i think, that's normal for people who play sports. 

i didn't go home that weekend. my parents didn't know how it actually was, because i just told them through the phone. 
and the next day i still played for the tournament. because i think i play soccer with my feet, not so much with my thumb. 

and the swollen thumb made things difficult for me. i couldn't write, i couldn't hold things, i couldn't remove my clothes, i couldn't wear my tudung properly, i couldn't do the dishes, i couldn't cut garlic, i couldn't take my watch off,  i couldn't do so many things. i never thought the not-functioning thumb would gave me this hard time. 
and every time my left hand was smacked without purpose by someone or something, i yelled and die a little inside. whoo it hurts man sobsss

well after one week, the swollen thumb has lessen. but my fingers were all aching, when only the thumb is the cause. it's like the other fingers are burdened by the role that my thumb should play. but the blue ring is still there and another blue streak appeared on my palm. 
so i went to a clinic. and the doc said i should go for an x-ray. 
and few days later, i went to a private clinic asking for an x-ray but the doc said it has been too long after the impact and the x-ray was no more necessary. okay. 
the doc said even if my thumb was fractured, it is already in the process of healing. she said that so calmly and i didn't even ask if my thumb is really fractured or what. 
and then i went to the hospital, the nurse attended me (i think, i dunno the uniform). she sounded more worried and she sort of complained that the previous doctor didn't do x-ray. okay.
and she told me to go direct to the emergency department, if my thumb were to be swollen again. huh?

anyway, the swell has improved. only that the knuckle doesn't seem to be normal, as compared to the right thumb. it still is slightly bigger. and it is darker than the right thumb. does colour means anything? 
and i found out that there is this slight bend on my thumb knuckle. 
maybe it really is fractured, or my thumb is playing with me?

i still couldn't write properly. and i couldn't wear my watch just yet. 
i hope this would be my kifarah. 

i hope my thumb would be back to normal. 
because i couldn't imagine losing my thumb. 

heh i sound so spoiled. it was just a thumb la dei! 

p/s: so why do guys play rugby? i never enjoy it.

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