the end

1.19 am: it was already past bedtime. but my eyes didn't seem to shut. so i decided to sew
instead. picked a couple of baju kurung, which the sewing has already been here and
there, the folds were no longer there, leaving them hanging with eye-sore threads,
took out the sewing kit and landed on the bed.

1.24 am: threading the needle. piece of cake. i remembered my mom always asked me to do
this back at home, she said in her younger days, she was befuddled of why
can't some people do this. only to realized that she is having the same problem too,
now. it just didn't seem logic in her mind not so long ago.

i bear in my mind that i, too will see no eye on the needle, only blurred vision,
frustrated at getting the thread into the eye, sooner or later. this is only one of the
many He lends to us, to me.

1.39 am: my left arm felt weary of holding the clothes while the other one is doing perfectly
fine stitching, smooth, without prickling my precious fingers. i stretched my left arm,
loosening the muscles, one way i could think of to make it less stressed. and i put the
needle and clothes away. the next thing i knew, the world was already pitch-black.

1.57 am: my sense woke me up. i felt pain. my left arm was crying loud for reason i did not
know. i realized i wasn't on my bed anymore. i was on the floor. must be fallen off
from the bed. but it didn't help me figure out what happened to my left arm. i saw
my baju kurungm the one i was sewing, under me. and the sewing kit, the threads
were everywhere. the needle? where was the needle?

my right hand ran through my left. my left hand prickled so much it worried me. and
there was blood. i shook my sleeping roommate, hoping she will wake up immediately
and help me to put the pain away.

2. 49 am: it was pitch black again. but i heard people talking, even whispering. a needle got
inside me. that needle.

and that needle was making its way to my heart.
now i know i wouldn't go through the problem like my mom's. i won't have problem
threading a needle.
because the needle, that needle has found my heart before it can happen.
the world is pitch black, this time i hear no more sound. the end of the life He lends

coretan: innalillahi wainnalillahirrajiun

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