reading just the highlights is fine with me. yes

the entry today will be long, i assure you. 
reading the highlights are fine.
back then when i was at school, my mom told me that my dad couldn't fetch me. 
so, i have to get home by myself. i took a bus, the first time i did this alone, without my mom, my dad or my siblings.
of course, it scares me. 
i was always in doubt.

is this the right bus? 
do i have to wait? 
should i sit or just stand? 
no, i should sit.
it will take hours to reach Kuala Lumpur, to be specific Pudu. 
and, should i sit beside this guy-who-look-like-he-is-going-to-eat-me? 
but i was lucky, i have a friend with me. 
she was clueless just like me, and it didn't help that much.

i am not quite sure of myself at that time, i have doubt in people. 
bad thoughts. 
often, with those people barely doing nothing  to me.

the bus was full with people. 
i saw some vacant seats.
i sat comfortably. 
the only vacant seat nearby was the one behind me. 
so my friend, Farhana sat there. 
the roads were bumpy and the smoke was choking me. 
the ride made me feel sleepy. 
and i felt asleep, i couldn't resist. but i was afraid i might miss my station. 
(i never want to know how did i look at that moment, thank God Farhana sat behind me!)
the bus stopped in front of a mall. 
people hopped on and off. 

i saw two girls, which i think was older than me. 
i was fourteen, and they were fifteen, or sixteen.
they wore light blue skirt. 
one of them have her hair shoulder-length. 
let's name her Miss Anonymous. 
her hair covered nearly half of her face. 
i could only see one of her eyes. 
i don't remember the other girl, maybe she had her hijab on. 
they had just finished their classes and were going home. 

i looked at Miss Anonymous. the thoughts came.
" apalah budak sekolah macam ni? 
she should tie her hair up, tidy. 
she is going to school after all. 
teruk betul! 
bermasalah. "
i talked to myself. as i thought, the girls boarded the bus. 
the man sitting besides me left and so did the aunt sitting behind me. 
Farhana wanted to sit beside me, but she didn't since people were getting in and we sat at the front rows. 
i saw the girl with the hijab searching to find vacant seats for two but failed. 

Miss Anonymous turned around. 
she looked at me and bent her body to ask. 
i couldn't recall what was her exact question but i was sure it was about the vacant seat besides me. 
as she bent her body, her hair moved aside. 
and i saw her face. 
i was shocked. 
not that her skin is fair, her hair is shiny, her lips are moist, but her eyes. 
she has one perfect black eye. 
but she didn't have the other one.
i saw the eye-socket hanging at the place where her other eye should be, without the eyeball. 
guilt was all over me then.

i don't know if she saw my expression. 
i was ashamed of myself. 
i should not think like what i just thought about her. 
about anyone. 
she smiled after i nodded and sat besides me. 
along the journey, i kept blaming myself. 
if i were her, i'd cry if someone did that to me. 
i think i should apologize to her, but it won't bring any good to her. 
what if she commits suicide if i tell her the truth? 
no.she seems like a tough girl to me. 
she won't do that. 

minutes passed by, she reached her destination. 
she left. 
i watched her and she gave me a farewell smile. 
the guilt in me made my smile bitter. 
right afterward, a middle-aged auntie sat besides Farhana. 
and that aunt have a LOT to tell her. 
she talked and talked, well her voice was quite high-pitched, i guess many amount of the passengers can listen to her well. 
i heard Farhana gave a few small laughs and 'hmm' for response. 
she wouldn't want to make her feel somewhat talking to merely the bus seats. 
i was listening but i was talking to myself, mostly.

after three long hours, we arrived at Pudu.
the auntie told us (Farhana told her that she was with me...) not to wait until the bus stop at the last station, 
the traffic was not good.
in the end, i reached home safely.

but a huge, fat, important lesson i learn on that day was to
never have prejudice in others.

it might have exceptions, but  the principle is that.
try to fit myself in their shoes and i will change the view i see.

we see what we believe.

coretan:  it's already  been 6 569 days i have lived.

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